sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
