It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
