the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
