At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
