I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
