Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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