I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
