a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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