If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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