umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
