Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
