Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
