Non-Jews are for practice
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
