so that wasnt chicken after all
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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