Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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