I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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