You just made me feel so damn special
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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