you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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