okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
