so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
