so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
