I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
