At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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