Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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