have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
