He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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