Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
