you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
