I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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