The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
