People in love make me want to vomit
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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