I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
