After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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