dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
