There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
