Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
