Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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