I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
