Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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