The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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