i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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