She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
