whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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