Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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