Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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