"it" just moved
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
