Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
