3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will be naked everywhere
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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