Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
