They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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