Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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