just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
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