I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
